Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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