Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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