You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
