Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
