i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
