Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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