yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
