Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
