Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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