I CAN MOONWALK!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
