i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm always down for nudity.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
