My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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