This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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