The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
