dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
