So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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