im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
