i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
