you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
