My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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