he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
