I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
