your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
