i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
