Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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