Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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