Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
