I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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