you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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