Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
