i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
