oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
