So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
