I will die if light touches me.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
