Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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