Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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