i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
