i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
