I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
it's not cheating when I paid for it
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
