just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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