24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
