Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
