I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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