I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So many bounce houses so little time
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
