I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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