Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
