i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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