you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
