Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
