wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
