Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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